Tag Archives: friends

2017: That’s So…Just the Other Day

I try to do one of these at least once a year and this is the perfect time to reflect. I also miss writing. Something different, though, from years past, is instead of focusing on my experiences and accomplishments, I’d like to use this platform to celebrate those who have been such an inspiration, those who have left a mark.

My best friends. Thank you for accepting me for who I am, baggage and all. I am far from perfect and this year was full of moments when I had to accept mistakes. Your patience in listening to my frustrations and your level-headedness in providing advice and emotional support really meant and means a lot. Various kinds of support came in forms of real talk/tough love/calling me out on faults, cups of coffee, 2 a.m. texts, 5 a.m. messages, prayers, car rides, quotes from the other side of the globe, pacifying my hysteria, accompanying me to classes and a gym, zombie paraphernalia, breakfast, lunch, dinner, ice cream, bingsoo, bubble tea, and the list goes on for other consummables…which is kind of embarrassing at this point. Thank you for not being sick of me. Thank you for another year of letting me share my insanity with you. Your strength, wisdom, kindness, and love abound beyond what I deserve and you are definitely blessings in my life…and likely to countless others.

To my guy friends. It brings me so much joy (and worry, sometimes, but mostly a sense of appreciation) to witness your journeys and your growth. Careers taking off. Relationships maturing. Compassion expanding. As many women come forward with stories of sexual harassment and assault, and as single women continue to lament the seemingly short supply of “good men out there”, you are the ones who remind me that men who disrespect and even violate women are never and should never be the norm. Good and Godly men do exist and I don’t believe they’re a dying breed. You are capable of strong, focused leadership, as much as you are capable of kindness, punny dad jokes, and all other squishy, endearing traits.

My mentors to whom I have THE UTMOST respect. You probably won’t get to read this but this is still important for me to put out there. Thank you for your valuable wisdom and guidance. The struggle was real this year as I grappled with countless changes, accepted multiple mistakes as inevitable and just a part of the steep learning curve, and adjusted to the fact that I don’t know all that much about a lot of things. It was hard to accept the fact that I made mistakes. It was hard not to be in control. Whatever my failings, you allowed me the space to commit them and to learn from them. Thank you for the various ways you encourage me to step out of my comfort zones, embolden me to speak up, and just building an overall sense of trust and inclusivity. People always say learning never stops. Whenever I hear that, I envision the daunting task of further schooling. And further expenses. But there are various means of education and you’ve shown me that this is not a daunting chore. It has become a lifestyle – to be able to fuel a healthy, self-motivated curiosity.

Praise team. The band. Cherubim Choir. You get special shout-outs. We have been through…more ups and downs than I can recall. I have my Mary moments as well as my Martha moments, and while my Martha moments bring me exasperation sometimes at feeling burnt out or having problems with time management or just general things (eg. printer, photocopier, computer, etc.) not working as they should, at the end of the day, being able to serve together makes it worth it and being able to serve God specifically, makes it even sweeter. Admittedly, I have this constant, dull ache in my heart when I think back to the individuals I have served with in the past as life has taken us to very different directions. I miss that bunch…but I also see new faces today, beside me, who I have come to know well and have become good comrades with in mutual service, each with their own brand of passion and approach in addressing our common faith. You guys are awesome.

God and family are a given constant this past year and so I’ll keep it short – They have been amazing, and they know the many reasons why. I am grateful beyond words.

This is not to say 2017 was all great. It definitely came with its fair share of griefs, heartbreaks, and soul-sucking moments…but it was an interesting ride. Many firsts. Many people I would never have gotten to meet, talk to, become really great friends with, had God not put me on this path. Oh, and another shocker – for the first time ever, music is no longer my only passion, and that is apparently okay. God leads us to different journeys at various points and seasons in our lives and I’m learning that mine is leaning towards a more concrete form of social justice. I still love singing and I’m probably never quitting the praise team or choir, but that’s not my only “thing” anymore.

So despite all the bummers and the tears, despite the migraines and the disappointments, I am thankful for His guidance on this slightly turbulent section of the seas. Things are fascinating. No storms, just persistent waves. I’d take a dry and constantly bobbing boat over raging, boat-flipping typhoons any day.

Hello 2018.

26

And here I am. The dreaded day had arrived. Saturday marked the culmination of a year’s worth of days spent aging. I shouldn’t have felt particularly sad about Saturday, because we all age every day, every second. So what makes pie day any different? It started last year. When my 25th hit, it hit me hard. Call it a quarter life crisis. I started to question everything – the choices I’ve made in life, the opportunities I let slip, the mistakes that have turned into regrets, the things I valued above others, the happy times that were all too fleeting. What have I done with my life and where am I going? I know I shouldn’t compare, but some people seem so self-assured and I was just…stuck. I’m happy, genuinely happy for them, but it didn’t bring me any closer to answers. Who were the people I lost along the way? Which bridges did I burn, willingly or unconsciously? Can I do anything about it? Do I want to do anything about it? Should I even? Who are the people in my life right now? Are they worth keeping? The funny thing is, as you age, you realize that there’s no lightbulb moment. You don’t suddenly wake up one day with everything figured out. You work on discovering it and actualizing it. You also basically feel the same. You feel like you’re still you, even when you’re really not. I still feel the same as I was six years ago, but I know I’d kick 20-year-old me in the butt with the way I thought about things. So in an attempt to be less stuck, I started to do things differently. Let some things go, try new things, explore, push, and re-establish boundaries, step out of my comfort zones once in a while. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to refer to Elsa in my head. Let it go…let go, let God.

Friday night, on the eve of my 26th, as two candles were lit, I thought about what I’d wish for. It quickly turned into a short prayer I shot up to my Father. I thanked Him, that despite having a mini meltdown last week about turning another year older, He’s repeatedly been gracious in showing me that though there are bad days, it’s not a bad life. It’s a good one even. I choose to see His faithfulness and goodness and love, among the chaos of this world, among the changing times, and remind myself that He has a purpose for me. I am reminded of how epic life can be in obedience to Him and that it really makes a whole world of a difference to have my hope in Him. This past year, as I learned more about Him and really strove to kill my old self and just followed as much as I could, I felt like such a child, learning the ropes again.

Humbly, I’d also hoped He’d give in to my requests, but fully recognizing that I have no hand in His final decision. My first request was that I’d never lose my band of brothers and sisters in Christ. These people have been my second family and they’ve taught me so much by their actions, words, and even just their presence. I’m thankful for each of you…

The brother who may be naive, but reminded me that maybe dreams and aspirations need to be acted upon and not just shelved away just because it didn’t seem practical at the time. If God is leading you, why not?

The sister who has always been the sensible one, who I know I can be vulnerable with, ugly cry face and all, who then gives gentle reminders of God’s wisdom above our situations.

The lady who exudes joy, overflowing love, and proper stewardship, who has wisdom beyond her years. I should learn a thing or two from you!

The man who challenges me to constant obedience and a love that knows no bounds in a world I’m growing desensitized to. You make me see the world differently, step out of my shell, and step into who I am in Christ.

The woman who has been such a great example of what a Godly woman looks like. I have a prayer buddy in you, always grounded in God’s word. Also, coffee buddy. And food buddy.

There are countless others and if I mention you all, I won’t ever be done with this post so just know, you’ve made an impact in my life. I’m far from perfect, and I know how dark I can get, but God continues to work in me and these friends have been extremely instrumental in helping me in my journey. Second request is close to the first – that He’d be with you to your last days.

So there’s my heart. Thank you for being in my life and making these years colorful. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for frustrating me. Thank you for the excess and the deprivation. Thank you for the laughs and the heartache. Thank you because in the ups and downs, we grow and we learn. Expecting more changes and adventures this year. Cheers!