2017: That’s So…Just the Other Day

I try to do one of these at least once a year and this is the perfect time to reflect. I also miss writing. Something different, though, from years past, is instead of focusing on my experiences and accomplishments, I’d like to use this platform to celebrate those who have been such an inspiration, those who have left a mark.

My best friends. Thank you for accepting me for who I am, baggage and all. I am far from perfect and this year was full of moments when I had to accept mistakes. Your patience in listening to my frustrations and your level-headedness in providing advice and emotional support really meant and means a lot. Various kinds of support came in forms of real talk/tough love/calling me out on faults, cups of coffee, 2 a.m. texts, 5 a.m. messages, prayers, car rides, quotes from the other side of the globe, pacifying my hysteria, accompanying me to classes and a gym, zombie paraphernalia, breakfast, lunch, dinner, ice cream, bingsoo, bubble tea, and the list goes on for other consummables…which is kind of embarrassing at this point. Thank you for not being sick of me. Thank you for another year of letting me share my insanity with you. Your strength, wisdom, kindness, and love abound beyond what I deserve and you are definitely blessings in my life…and likely to countless others.

To my guy friends. It brings me so much joy (and worry, sometimes, but mostly a sense of appreciation) to witness your journeys and your growth. Careers taking off. Relationships maturing. Compassion expanding. As many women come forward with stories of sexual harassment and assault, and as single women continue to lament the seemingly short supply of “good men out there”, you are the ones who remind me that men who disrespect and even violate women are never and should never be the norm. Good and Godly men do exist and I don’t believe they’re a dying breed. You are capable of strong, focused leadership, as much as you are capable of kindness, punny dad jokes, and all other squishy, endearing traits.

My mentors to whom I have THE UTMOST respect. You probably won’t get to read this but this is still important for me to put out there. Thank you for your valuable wisdom and guidance. The struggle was real this year as I grappled with countless changes, accepted multiple mistakes as inevitable and just a part of the steep learning curve, and adjusted to the fact that I don’t know all that much about a lot of things. It was hard to accept the fact that I made mistakes. It was hard not to be in control. Whatever my failings, you allowed me the space to commit them and to learn from them. Thank you for the various ways you encourage me to step out of my comfort zones, embolden me to speak up, and just building an overall sense of trust and inclusivity. People always say learning never stops. Whenever I hear that, I envision the daunting task of further schooling. And further expenses. But there are various means of education and you’ve shown me that this is not a daunting chore. It has become a lifestyle – to be able to fuel a healthy, self-motivated curiosity.

Praise team. The band. Cherubim Choir. You get special shout-outs. We have been through…more ups and downs than I can recall. I have my Mary moments as well as my Martha moments, and while my Martha moments bring me exasperation sometimes at feeling burnt out or having problems with time management or just general things (eg. printer, photocopier, computer, etc.) not working as they should, at the end of the day, being able to serve together makes it worth it and being able to serve God specifically, makes it even sweeter. Admittedly, I have this constant, dull ache in my heart when I think back to the individuals I have served with in the past as life has taken us to very different directions. I miss that bunch…but I also see new faces today, beside me, who I have come to know well and have become good comrades with in mutual service, each with their own brand of passion and approach in addressing our common faith. You guys are awesome.

God and family are a given constant this past year and so I’ll keep it short – They have been amazing, and they know the many reasons why. I am grateful beyond words.

This is not to say 2017 was all great. It definitely came with its fair share of griefs, heartbreaks, and soul-sucking moments…but it was an interesting ride. Many firsts. Many people I would never have gotten to meet, talk to, become really great friends with, had God not put me on this path. Oh, and another shocker – for the first time ever, music is no longer my only passion, and that is apparently okay. God leads us to different journeys at various points and seasons in our lives and I’m learning that mine is leaning towards a more concrete form of social justice. I still love singing and I’m probably never quitting the praise team or choir, but that’s not my only “thing” anymore.

So despite all the bummers and the tears, despite the migraines and the disappointments, I am thankful for His guidance on this slightly turbulent section of the seas. Things are fascinating. No storms, just persistent waves. I’d take a dry and constantly bobbing boat over raging, boat-flipping typhoons any day.

Hello 2018.

WCC Keynote #1: Live and Lead like You are Loved

Even weeks after, I’m still trying to digest everything that happened and everything that was shared and exchanged over the two days of the worship conference. It was such an amazing experience to be a part of.

Christy Nockels began her keynote session Friday night by sharing that the older she gets, the more she notices God giving her new affections, as if God was dropping more and more of His heart into hers. Fresh from an emotional worship time, my tiredness from the vexing workday and journey from the weeks past seemed to have been washed away with the tears that came unexpectedly. These were tears of guilt for the times I didn’t treat God as the priority; tears from being overwhelmed at the realization of His grace and how He can love someone like me; tears of surrender. So much has changed, and it was finally time for my heart to catch up to where my head was at. I was sitting by myself in pews full of people with their worship teams, but my previous sadness at being on my own was replaced with God’s peace, purpose, and a fresh look at the situation. That, and relief that no one I knew saw me bawling. Lol. I understood what she meant.

I understood what she meant because the older I got, the more I understood life and people and found vision in ministries and passions. What was inconsequential and boring before, holds so much meaning now. The obvious example would be that when I was younger, what mattered most to me was worshipping God, being able to sing to Him. What “mattered” quickly became using MY gift for God, service in the ministry. As years passed, the focus became a desire to assist in leading people into a place of worship and honing my craft. Then, it was getting people to use their gifts as well. From the role of being led to leading, it became apparent even more that it was and is important to foster my relationship with God and getting to know Him more and what He wants, rather than my own aspirations for people. I’ve learned to have more faith in God working, than my own perception of control. I plan, but it’s okay if it’s not followed to the T. Now, I’m motivated to ensure others grow, and hopefully as a result, they’d also get from the being led stage to the leading stage. I did not feel so deeply about this before, but God seems to be, as she said, planting new affections.

Getting older is awesome. You notice things or are able to have a more holistic view of things, and you’re able to respond in a way you wouldn’t have before, because your hang-ups then are no longer an issue now. She had one such epiphany, sitting at her farm table one day. She had just given up touring because she was just tired all the time and the tour bus is no place to raise children. Add to that the fact that one night, she found peace in cleaning the toilet after her toddler decided to aim poorly. Her children were starting to grow up and God had been repeatedly telling her to go home. So there she was, at her farm table, asking God if this was crazy. What He showed her was that there is a promise and a purpose and a way, and it’s not necessarily how we envision or expect things to play out. All she desired was for the Kingdom to come to earth through her life. Colossians 3:12 came to her…

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

There is a created order. Facts or reasons are established first, then the command. Our gospel identity is that we are God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved through our adoption by faith. In knowing our identity, then, we clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, etc. These traits are what people-we-encounter-everyday will see. People who don’t have an idea of who God is will see a glimpse of Him, His Kingdom, through us, if we are grounded in Him, in truth. In knowing our identity, we know the Kingdom is our inheritance. The Kingdom is a renewing of all things, and we all anticipate that day. But for now, we are works in progress; broken, broken people. God refines us at every moment, in our imperfections.

Through the years, the image of concentric circles kept popping up: the vision of a target/bull’s-eye. God was constantly reassuring her to focus on the center. “Just hit the bull’s-eye, and I’ll take care of the outer circles. It is not for you to promote yourself and to keep yourself on the map…but it’s for My glory.” And so she opened her Bible to the middle, one of her favorite verses – Psalm 37:5-6.

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.

Just the bull’s-eye in the middle. That’s all you need to take care of. You have one job. Lol. What does she mean? There are three things to consider. Think of each point as a ring that makes up the bull’s-eye, starting from the center.

One: Who you are. You are beloved. BEloved. He is “The Great I Am”. He Who Is, Who Be’s. We are “The Great I Am”-loved. We are God-loved. This should permeate how we come to Him every day, through remembrance of Who He is and what He’s done. Admittedly, there are days when I’m just drained. You know those days when Murphy’s Law explodes in your face or you just had a horrible bout of insomnia the previous night or you’re deathly ill or someone somewhere “needs” you. After chronic sub-optimal days like these, it’s hard to feel loved and to be grateful for that love, when all you want to do is cry, complain, eat, sleep, or even just sit in silence doing absolutely nothing. But days like these change. For every 100 horrible days, there’s bound to be 1 day that’s so-so at the very least. Our ever-changing circumstances don’t change the constant truth of our identity and that we are God-loved. When we get laid-off, we are beloved. When we get paid for a passion project, we are still beloved.

I’m thankful that Christy pointed out that His love and His covenant is not equal, but greater than our commitment to Him. We fail. We are imperfect. We sometimes ride the waves that toss us about. We doubt. We waver. Our efforts at “commitment” don’t really measure up to much. But His love and His covenant…can we grasp the concept of never EVER failing? Perfect. Sure. Steadfast. That is the God who loves us. He is our rest and our place to hide. I draw comfort from the fact that even in my failings, I can confide in that God; that I see I’m not going to get there (the goal/the ideal) today, but He has already gotten there for me. “Lord, I aim to be as humble as You today, but I realize I’m still hanging on to a bit of pride. Thank You for doing the ultimate humbling act on the cross, which gives me hope that I can let go of my pride and do better tomorrow.”

Two: The how. When you know who you are and Who loves you/Who you can count on, obedience becomes a response of being beloved rather than a means of approval. I don’t stay up ’til 2am waiting for someone to come home because I need them to like me. I’d rather sleep (and be a professional burrito haha). However, I do stay up because they’re family. I love them and they love me. It’s as simple as that. No strings attached. We don’t obey and follow God’s laws and do all these random acts of kindness because we need God to love us. We are already loved…and so we do this because we know He is pleased to see this and we genuinely just want to bring Him more joy.

As we obey and we grow, our refinement becomes our language of discipleship. Our experiences become the tools by which we pour into people, with the help of the Holy Spirit. Oh…take Philippians 2 for example. We know this, but it’s just such a struggle sometimes to be humble. Verses 3 to 5 get me every time as I examine myself and find that I’ve failed in that aspect so many times, but can now see progress as I veer away from pride. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus…”

As mentioned in the previous post, there’s been a burden in my heart this past year or so, and was amplified on a trip to Portland, to help develop the next generation and raise Timothys. It brought me so much joy to just sit back one weeknight during worship practice and observe the younger folks leading worship. This was something new since, as mentioned, I used to be so enthusiastic about being able to lead worship. It was about me using my gifts. Now, with God’s constant pruning, I realize the importance of humility and remember the focus of worship is God. Seeing these kids…so much potential, so much we can do! It was an aha moment of mind-blowing proportions seeing where God is leading, realizing that I’m doing this with God as a teammate, and the comfort in knowing that I’m in good hands. There’s a peace to knowing you’re fulfilling His will, your purpose. As Christy said, “He raised you up to raise others up.” And so I continue to pour myself into other people because, well, I surprisingly (or not surprisingly) find joy in God’s joy.

Three: The what. Our response ability changes as we grow and mature in Christ. You’ll see it. You won’t be able to help it. You’ll feel the NEED to take others with you in responding to God. “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Eph. 2:10)” There’s plenty of work to be done. Along the way, there will be plenty of people that we’ll meet. If we’re coming from a secure place, knowing who we are with God at the center, it will pour out into how we live our lives and relate to others, and it will further spill over into what we actually do as a manifestation of everything God is. When you’re running around on outer rings, it just leaves you exhausted, tired. When you’re stuck on the outer rings, it just leaves you frustrated. Believe me, I know. I was caught up in the outer rings for the longest time. When you’re too focused on the how, or even the what, you miss the point. God is at the center of it all and really, you only have to focus on the center. The rest is God’s. He’ll take care of the details.

Christy’s work with the women of her home church produced valuable relationships and spiritual support that have already spanned decades. Her work with her producer husband on the rug of their humble home contributed to the Passion band and the Passion conferences that have made an impact on so many generations of youth through the years. She got to meet and work with musicians with a similar call and vision such as Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, and Kristian Stanfill. They’ve created a community of encouragement and purpose, so much so, that years after Christy decided to stop touring and focus on her family, that bond had never changed. The Dove Awards is a sort of platform of recognition created by the Gospel Music Association. There was a spot during the awards that showcased a song that made a huge impact that year. Chris Tomlin was there. Michael W. Smith was there. The heavyweights of Christian music. While droves of talent managers were vying for a place for their talent to be involved in that number, the producers called Christy up. They remember her work. Christy, who has been out of the spotlight for years, happily content in being a good wife and mom, suddenly asked to participate in such a huge platform. She got to be amongst friends doing what she loved, without unnecessarily exhausting herself. She doesn’t have to bother with the outer rings, and neither should we. God takes care of the details.

Ohana

It was one of those one-liners that just stood out and made such a huge impact on everyone, non-Hawaiian and Hawaiian alike, who ever watched Lilo & Stitch. Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind. I checked Wikipedia, and it had an interesting definition and concept – family, in a wider sense of the term, includes not only kin by blood, but also through adoption and/or “intent”; emphasis is placed on these clusters of people being “bound together” and having to “cooperate and remember one another”.

Yes, lately it seems I’ve been posting commentaries/chapter reviews on Ken Shigematsu’s “God in My Everything”, but this is unintentional. Each chapter just seems to come at such an opportune time…almost like it’s God-ordained. Recently, I have been experiencing a few familial friction and conflict, not just within the family or even the extended family that I was born into, but also my adopted kin, my brothers and sisters in Christ. While some homes hold more problems and pain than others, we can’t deny the fact that living in such close quarters with people we didn’t choose, who we interact with the most, can be…hard. A monumental challenge. And that’s already an understatement. They just know what makes you tick. They rub you the wrong way, whether purposely or recklessly. My mom washes dishes while she cooks; that way, there’s less to wash after cooking or after the meal. I like sleeping with a particular throw pillow on top of a normal pillow so that my head’s a little more elevated. My brother lets the water run for a while to make sure that it’s really warm when he jumps into the shower. My dad needs something to munch on after meals, be it a chip, peanuts, some ice cream…If my dad leaves the kitchen messy thinking the dishes, pots, and pans can be washed after the meal, or if my mom steals my throw pillow, or if I take too long in the shower and use up all the warm water, or if my brother finishes the last remaining pack of trail mix, THERE WILL BE PROBLEMS. But these are little things. I can get over the fact that my dad replies only with a “K” after I text him a long message. I’m annoyed, but I’ll live. But throw in long days of work or school and then nights of restless sleep, plus unexpected unfortunate events…well, we kind of all set each other off. While having to deal with a barrage of problems both personal and familial, there are also issues with adopted brothers and sisters in Christ. We are all unique and so, even in church, we can’t avoid conflict. Instead of suppressing each other, we should celebrate our differences. In reading the chapter, there was a mention about Benedictine monks actually experiencing conflicts as well with roommates and that each occurrence is an opportunity to experience God, in our reactions, how we handle ourselves, how we show love to our brothers and sisters, how we remember that we’re all one body in Christ, each person made different to serve a very unique purpose. That’s why Saturday was such a wonderful day.

To be honest, I’ve been pretty drained at home. I needed to go out with friends, put some distance between myself and the people I call family, flesh and blood. Things have been getting overwhelming and I just needed time to myself. I was out early as Worship Central held its first meet-up at its 3 hubs in the Lower Mainland. It was a few hours of fellowship with worship leaders and friends and a time to worship the Lord as well. I was surprised at how emotional I got with “Set a Fire” and “Hosanna”. Set a fire down in my soul, that I can’t contain and I can’t control. I want more of You, God. I want more of You, God. Heal my heart and make it clean. Open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like You have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Everything I am for Your kingdom’s cause as I walk from earth into eternity. I’ve been hearing so many sermons lately about unity and peace in Christ. What most probably don’t know is that I’ve been contemplating jumping around to different churches for quite some time. I realize my need for God, but there were some things I didn’t want to or know how to deal with at my own church community. I’ve also been pretty drained. No matter how I prayed, it didn’t feel quite right when I led during the month of March. To put it plainly, it felt like I lost my mojo. Drained at home. Drained at church. Family of flesh, and family of Spirit. How fitting was it that fellowship with fellow leaders, who understood the challenges, who are so filled with a passion for Christ, would be just what I needed. They are still spiritual brothers and sisters, serving in different buildings, but just one family in Christ. I’d lost sight. My priorities shifted. Once I was made aware of that and re-centered my focus on Christ and my relationship with Him and my overflowing love and worship of Him, then it all fell back into the right place. The feeling of overwhelming thankfulness, peace, and joy even until today. The problems are not the main issue. The focus is on God. He will make a way. He is good. Nothing happens out of His control. And so as my new spiritual family set me straight and helped me to see what I needed to do about my own qualms about my own church community, a wonderful lunch, Steveston’s sights, sounds, and smells, as well as my favorite hot cup of coffee brought me to chapter 9, and eventually to dealing with my family of flesh.

Interesting concept Ken has about family making us holy. I highly recommend you reading the book. But yes, God can use family to refine us. Ken also mentioned families praying together, serving together, and taking in God’s word. I remember those times. I hadn’t realized how much my family’s dynamics changed through the years. We used to read the Bible every Friday night and pray together. I was small, but I remember. I vividly remember Joseph’s technicolor coat and Daniel’s lion’s huge mane. Makes me wonder what changed. But as I sat there in the coffee shop, thinking about my family, I felt blessed and thankful. Despite our issues and problems and the challenges in life that we face, we have family, whether blood or spirit. I’ve recently committed to improving my life bit by bit, little things here and there. Been making better food choices. Started going to the gym (although I must say, the level of soreness is sooooo not funny). Extend a little bit more patience and grace to people at home. Exploring and finding joy again in the ministries I’m involved in. Appreciate the sun or the rain and the clouds and the stars. Pray more regularly. My ohana may bring me grief at times, but they also bring me joy. Just the other day, my usually indifferent brother came up to me and asked how I was. He had overheard a conversation I had with our parents. I answered him truthfully. I’m better now, siots. We stick together. No one gets left behind.

Roots

It started with our small group’s study on Monday. I was preparing to lead chapter 7 of Ken Shigematsu’s book, “God in My Everything”, when I started to have this sinking feeling. The chapter was on friendship, and I haven’t felt like I was being a friend to anyone at that point. Because of recent struggles and circumstances, I’ve had to depend on people’s wisdom and patience. I’ve been on the receiving end of my friendships and it was not sitting well with me because I’ve grown so accustomed to not needing anything from anyone. I like helping, but I don’t like being helped. Basically, if you go out of your way or you’re hassled somehow because of me, I am going to feel sooo horrible about it. However, lately, I’ve been taking, mostly because I felt like I wasn’t at a place to be giving, or that I had anything left to give at all. Some call it burnout. Some use the metaphor of a dried-up well. Others pinpoint something else. But God is good, all the time, as the song goes, and He reminds us of His presence and sustains us in His love in various ways.

I’ve been trying to get a friend a cake for her birthday for the looongest time, and she can attest to that, but something always comes up. I got sick. Her daughter suddenly decided to assert her independence in the napping department. I had a ridiculous amount of errands. The cake shop was closed. After about two weeks, I finally got her her cake 0n Tuesday…albeit just slices of it. Hahaha. If you’re reading this, I’m sorry it wasn’t an actual cake hahaha. I initially did it just ’cause I wanted to…and ’cause I valued our friendship, appreciated her, and wanted to keep fostering that relationship, even with just something as simple as cake. The desire to support her and, in general, the commitment to build people up in love reminds me of why I give of myself and why I put the effort of investing myself in my friendships. So I can still give, after all.

But as man can be fallible, I’ve failed countless times, even in recent weeks and months. It’s all too easy to fall out of touch, shut people out, or push people away. Sometimes it’s easier, sometimes it’s necessary, sometimes it’s done unconsciously. No one is perfect, and I apologize for my faults and shortcomings. I can only aim for no repetition of the sort, and to emulate God’s grace, however difficult it may be. Even if it shouldn’t be difficult.

There’s this bit in John 15 that has been resonating with me lately. I remember the first time I heard it was from my English teacher back in the early years of high school. I was too young to understand the weight of what she was carrying, and too naive to empathize with her plight. At the time, she shared just the pruning bit, but for the purposes of this discussion, here are verses 1-17.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit–fruit that will last–and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other.”

Looking back, I’m thankful that she was open enough to share her experiences, and I never knew I subconsciously took it to heart.

Apparently, spiritual friendships are supposed to help us grow together in God. If not, maybe some re-evaluation is in order..? God puts people in our lives, and for one reason or another, He takes them away. No, I’m not being morbid by saying they die, although we would all die at some point. Sometimes, your pace of growth is no longer the same or you’re at a different life stage or God is leading you somewhere your friend is not being led to or things just go south because of human error. Change is constant. You part ways.

Later that night, I was granted the rare chance to reconnect with an old friend. No, she’s not old. Just an old soul who’s wise beyond her years. Just talking to her made me reach an epiphany about certain things that was a long time coming. It’s also been a while since I looked at the past; not just my recent past, but the parts that have significantly shaped me into who I am today. I’ve taken for granted friendships with older friends, and exchanged them for the younger ones mainly because of ministries and service. Not how I would’ve wanted it, but you lose things as you grow. That’s why commitment both ways is important, even in simple, but genuine friendships. While I do appreciate my relationship with younger friends and listening to how they look at things, there’s something to be said about the viewpoints of experience and age.

And so, though my surroundings have changed through the years, I haven’t been transplanted. My roots are very much where they’ve been. I’ve just grown and I see a little bit more of the world every day. The problem lies in the pain of pruning. I’m having a hard time letting go. I’m not Elsa. Pruning feels a whole lot like uprooting. Resistance to pruning feels as if I’ve fallen off some proverbial wagon. Can’t grow and I’ve occasionally lost focus on Christ. Maybe that’s the problem. Can’t bear fruit. Can’t give. So despite the pain, I allow myself to be pruned, to give fruit, to be rooted in Christ. It’s the least I can do after what He did on the cross. What’s losing touch with some friends compared to the betrayal He experienced? What’s the pain of a little regret compared to the physical pain of being whipped, nailed, and wounded on the cross, the emotional pain of losing friends and family, not to mention the thought of the whole world’s salvation dependent on Him. It doesn’t even come close. So Easter is not about eggs or rabbits. It’s about your roots, and the wonderful news of salvation and eternal life, no matter the hiccups and pruning this life on earth brings.

Sunday’s Take-Away: Love Struck

I’m getting back into the swing of things, in a lot of aspects in life, and writing is no exception. What better way to return to blogging than to address something timely: Valentine’s Day…or, as singles would call it, S.A.D. – Single Awareness Day. It’s always said with such disdain, as if “singlehood” is such a bad thing. Is it really?

1 Corinthians 13…in its entirety:

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Beautiful, poetic, and true. These days, the word love gets thrown around so much, it’s starting to lose its meaning. I love Motomachi’s cold ramennn! I love those graceful Mariniere Louboutins. I love SpongeCola! I looove Matt Smith. I love…you. This is just proving the point that love for your special someone is very different from the love you have for your favorite food. We can say there are 3 different kinds of love: eros, phileo, and agape. Eros is…a sort of reaction. It’s the passionate, sensual-based “love”. I use the term love loosely here as, personally, it lacks substance for me. It may play a factor to the bigger “love” picture, sure, but passions of this kind fizzle out and are too dependent on changing moods and circumstances…frequently a passing whim. Phileo is one of mutual action, both parties give and take. It is the kind of love you have for your friends, brotherly, platonic love where no romance is involved. Agape love is best explained by intentional action. It is the non-sensual, selfless, self-sacrificing kind of love. It is the love the Father has for us. It is the love we strive to embody and the love we must decidedly have for others, everyday, however challenging it may be – the love in 1 Corinthians 13.

Seeing the influence the media has on current society, let me give you some examples of Hollywood’s prescription for love and what we’re barraged with.

Ted: I’m being crazy?!

Jeanette: Yes! How long have you been hung up on Robin? Eight years? And you’re still killing yourself to fetch dumb little trinkets for her. That’s crazy! That’s more than crazy! I don’t think there’s a word for what that is.

Ted: Actually, there is a word for that. It’s love. I’m in love with her, okay? If you’re looking for the word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it’s love. And when you love someone, you just…you…you don’t stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes, or call you crazy, even then, especially then, you just…you don’t give up! Because if I could give up, if I could just, you know, take the whole world’s advice and…and move on, and find someone else, that wouldn’t be love. That would be, that would be some other disposable thing that is not worth fighting for. But that, that is not what this is.

(Excerpt from How I Met Your Mother, Season 9, Episode 17)

“[Falling in love] is a crazy thing to do. It’s kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity.” – Amy, “Her”

While this may bring in the warm fuzzies and heighten low expectations of sweeping grand gestures of “love”, it’s not quite…right. Though it’s become somewhat of a norm in the cultural collective consciousness, any attempts with these views of love leaves one still…lacking. Or you’re left with pain. Discontent. Disappointment. A dissonance as you realize the disconnect between reality and expectation.

Hollywood and most of media tell us that the focus in relationships is to find the “right” person. The One. The “right person” for us, primary concern being our own personal happiness. Once you meet The One, you generally enter the physical phase. Or you decide you’ve met The One because you’ve entered this physical phase already. If you’re conservative, it’s simply that quirky slur they have when enunciating a word, or their facial features where their smile is just the right angle of crooked, perfect in their imperfection, or that perfect little kiss. If you’re liberal…err, ahem, well, something more. If you’re somewhere in between, then, c’est la vie…votre vie. If you wear your heart on your sleeve or become willing to be vulnerable and open up all aspects of your life to this person in risk-it-all fashion, you have sex. Sex. And more sex.

And so, after the physical phase, you fall in love. You enter the emotional phase. I love you Lucky (Sorry, Filipino pop. culture reference. I just couldn’t resist…)!!! Ahh, the feeling of falling in love where you don’t care if everything be damned…where you don’t care that you’re free-falling towards hard concrete, whereupon you’ll be splattered across the pavement like a horrible, morbid imitation of modern art, simply because you like the feeling of freedom and the delusion that there’s a purpose to the falling. That the concrete you clearly see is some metaphysical challenge. It’s not really there. Yeah right. Until gravity shuts you up and proves you wrong upon impact. Then what? What was I saying again? Right, falling…and consequences. Sorry. Three Biblical examples that were mentioned were (1) David & Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11:2-5), (2) Amnon & Tamar (2 Samuel 13:1-15), and (3) Samson (Judges 14:1-3). David saw Bathsheba, “fell in love”, had her “fetched”, raped her, and killed off her husband to acquire her. Amnon lusted after his sister Tamar and basically threw her out after he was done with her. Samson, well, he was noble enough to want to marry Delilah and be committed to her…but he was committing to the wrong kind of girl. Read all three’s stories and you’ll realize the consequences of “falling in love”, in this particular way, leaves you in a bad place. Don’t believe it? Okay, don’t. Let’s move on. But I’m telling you, it’s not going to be pretty.

So you find fulfillment in your significant other. You become really good friends, which is the social phase. You meet their friends and then their family, and then pretty soon you’ll be in the psychological phase where you’re in each other’s heads, knowing full well how they think, what they’d do or want in particular situations, what buttons to press, what makes them tick. If all goes well and you haven’t killed or annoyed each other to insanity just yet, you start to think about the future, a future together. Personality, values, and maybe even spirituality will come into play. You’ll get a fuller sense of the picture. You start to see them as a REAL person, flaws and all, baggage in tow. The feelings will start to subside, the warm fuzzies will dissipate, and the you’ll be forced to re-examine the time you just spent with this person. Two choices will remain. Stay or go. Usually, it’s never a choice, just a question of what you can live with. Do you forget and start over?

On the flip side, God’s prescription for relationships looks a little more like this. The focus is not so much on finding the right person, someone you have completely no control over. The focus is on yourself and becoming the right person for a potential future partner. Better oneself, self-improvement. There’s always something we can work on. Commit to God and draw our identity from Him. Walk in love, every day. This is not just romantic love, for romance is overrated and goes away with time. Love, REAL love, is a commitment, a conscious decision to act. We love because He first loved us, and so we find fulfillment in Him, in our growing relationship with Him. And even then, because we live in a fallen world, we can’t be 100% fulfilled here, not until we’re actually with God in His Kingdom.

Sure, God can use people, or a particular someone, to bless you, but it’s not going to be the thing that you’re looking for…not really. It’s just putting unnecessary pressure on someone. Considering that everyone is imperfect, you’re just setting yourself and the person up for disappointment, failure, and heartache. If you were to draw fulfillment in Christ, then there won’t be much pressure on the person because you already have a pre-existing value/self-worth and purpose.

So practically speaking, you become friends with a person and just one day wake up to the realization that you’re not just feeling friendly. You actually feel an attraction. Or…there can also be instances where you feel an attraction and gradually become friends with someone. The physical phase. Not quite sex, but there is an element of appreciation for external attributes such as in Genesis 29:17, where Rachel caught Jacob’s eye because of her beauty. The physical phase here, as compared to Hollywood’s prescription for love, is only a starting point. It is not extremely integral, neither is it the basis/foundation for “love”. You then go into the spiritual phase, where you get to know where the person is in their walk with God, or if they even believe in Him. The other phases will come into play after – psychological, social, emotional. After getting to know each other better, you start to think about a possible future together, how your personalities complement each other, compare your values and fundamental belief systems. You see the other as a REAL person. From there, decide. Commit? Or quit?

If you, unfortunately, decide to quit, it is important to come back to God. Not that you ever really left Him, since He needs to be central in the relationship anyway. But if you decide that it’s not working out, remember to not be so disappointed or blinded by emotions so as to deter you from remaining faithful to God, keeping strong in faith. Ask Him to fulfill you first. I want to become the right person. Find fulfillment and identity in God and God alone. If He wills for you to be blessed with someone, then you’ll eventually get there. Circumstances will present itself. You’ll either meet someone new, or realize something new about someone you’ve known for a while. As a personal aside, not everyone is blessed with a particular person, and it’s perfectly fine. Some are given the gift of singlehood. I’m not being sarcastic or bitter by saying “gift”. There are many perks to being single. You have wayyy more time/flexibility/resources to do whatever, whenever…hopefully to do God’s work and resources that can be directed towards advancement of His Kingdom. If you can’t help but feel lonely sometimes, who says you have to be alone and can’t have children? You can…adopted spiritual children that is…or other brothers and sisters in Christ to keep you company during those particular times. Being alone is not bad either in the sense that you get to reflect more, and have me-times. A common complaint of people who are either in relationships or are married is that they hardly have time for themselves. They miss their alone time.

I suppose everything comes with its pros and cons…but we only have one life. Live and love. No regrets. So whether you’re single or coupled this Valentine’s, know that you’re just where you’re supposed to be and take comfort in the fact that God has established the steps you’ve taken thus far, and will still take in the years to come.

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Sunday’s Take-Away #25: The Lord Jesus, Death and Resurrection

Jesus only raised three people from the dead. Ever. At least, only three were ever recorded. Before listing them out, let’s just be clear on a few things. We’re not talking about The Mummy where…umm…mummies are reanimated. We’re not talking about infected humans-turned-zombies from The Walking Dead. We’re not even talking about broke-neck Meryl Streep or see-through Goldie Hawn on Death Becomes Her (If you did not get that last reference, you need to watch the movie. It’s an oldie, but it’s hilarious!).

The first was the only son of a widow. Luke tells us that Jesus’ heart went out to her and told her not to cry. Ridiculous right? You’ve lost your spouse, and you’re about to lose your only son, the one who could have continued the family name and be there with you in your last days. You’ve lost all the family you’ve got, and here’s this “man” telling you not to cry. Right. Empathetic, not. Sympathetic, maybe. But He proceeded to go to the boy and told him to get up…and he got up.

The second was a young 12-year-old girl, who happened to be the daughter of a synagogue leader, Jairus. Jairus went to Jesus to ask for healing for his sick daughter. On their way to see the girl, one of the people from Jairus’ household came and said to not bother. She is dead. Jesus told Jairus to ignore it, and believe. When they got there, the funeral was already beginning. When Jesus got there, He asked everyone to leave. They need to stop wailing. She is not dead, only sleeping. They laughed at Him. He approached the girl and told her, softly, to get up. She got up…and was hungry. Hungry for normal food okay, not human flesh! Hahaha

By now, we’ve already looked at two accounts of Jesus raising the dead. It is important to note, upon viewing the two accounts, that Jesus had and has great compassion. Death is not final. It is just like sleep. Jesus has the authority and the power to give life. In John 11, we’re given the account of the most famous among the three: Lazarus. “Lord, the one You love is sick,” was how the news came to Jesus (John 11:3). However, He was sure that this “will not end in death” but glorify God. In John 11:21, 32, we see that the delay in Jesus’ arrival to Bethany, four days after Lazarus’ burial, elicited a not-so-happy response – there was a hint of anger, blame, resentment, and betrayal in the sisters’ words.

Before going into that, there are some “grave” questions that we need to consider (bad pun, I know, but it’s not mine).

Why do we view the presence of death as the absence of God?

Is healing the only way in which God shows us that He is present?

If Jesus was a friend of the family, why did He not rush to help them? Why did Jesus stay two more days where He was, before coming to Bethany?

We get disappointed when God doesn’t answer our prayers. Why are You not here? Why the delay? Simple. John 11:4. Elaborate, but necessary. Let’s think of two practical questions.

What kind of Christians will we be if God always rescued us immediately?

What kind of children would parents have if they always bailed them out immediately?

Romans 5:3-4 gives us the answer. I personally grew up with NIV and know it by heart, but the NLT version was used so we’ll go with that. Problems and trials can lead to endurance, which can lead to strengthened character, which leads to hope of salvation. Side note…where it says rejoice when running into trials, don’t mistake it for masochism. It simply means there’s a reason for the hardship. Back to the main point. We hardly ever want to endure. Who willingly wants to feel uncomfortable for an extended period of time? But then, how do we develop endurance without delayed gratification to form our character?

I think you should check out the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment and the results of their comparative study years after the initial experiment. At first, you may have an overwhelming sense of pity for the children who do all they can to cope – lick the table, sing to themselves, etc. – just to stop themselves from munching on a soft and chewy marshmallow. However, their successful or failed attempts at delayed gratification was indicative of their behavioral tendencies and how they handled their impulses in the long run. Following a similar line of thought, we’ll end up as immature, impatient, weak, and spoiled Christians if God bailed us out every time we felt uncomfortable. That’s why John 11:25-26 is so comforting and the perfect response to the sisters’ complaints. It is also the gist of the Easter message. “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die…”

Do not misinterpret. Resurrection life is not only for the next life. It begins the moment a person puts his/her trust in Jesus Christ. It begins immediately. No wait times, no probationary periods. Instant activation, for our old selves die and are reborn in Christ. But yes, back to Lazarus. We reach the most intense part of the story in John 11:38-39a. They reached the tomb where Lazarus’ body lay, and Jesus asks them to move the stone sealing the entrance. I can imagine the people there going, “You want us to…what…?” The literal Greek translation of Martha’s retort in John 11:39b was “Lord, he is fourth day man” basically, “He’s been there four days! You know how foul the stench would be?” In those days, they would have worked fast to bury Lazarus after his death because there is little to no embalming techniques just yet. Jesus’ answer? A resounding yes (John 11:40).

When we are in a crisis, we pray and want Jesus to come. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt so desperate and pleaded for Him to do something right away, sometimes because of something shallow, but usually for something serious and legitimately burdensome. However, usually, in my case or in the case of anyone, anywhere, there’s a delay. It might be a long delay, it might be a short one. When Jesus finally arrives, we’re initially comforted. But then as Jesus speaks to our situation, we become shocked. We often do not expect what His response would be. It’s so easy to backslide into the mentality of Jesus the genie, there to give us what we want, versus what we need. Sometimes the two coincide; most times, they do not. He addresses the need. We limit Him within the confines of the box of our understanding, but He often works in unexpected, creative, unconventional ways beyond our comprehension. But really, John 11:40. We should know by now.

What “stone” is the Lord Jesus asking us to take away? Do we really believe? Do we trust? Do we glorify Him day to day? One of the most wonderful things in life is knowing and experiencing Him using us, even after we’ve failed Him. He can turn us into a loving, honest, and spiritual family, even after all that people have said and gossiped to hurt one another and to make others lost their trust in them. Believe the Lord enough to transform churches, families. Believe the Lord enough to see that there is still and always will be hope to heal marriages. We can serve Him despite our fears and reservations.

After Martha said yes and allowed the stone, both the physical one before them, and the figurative one in her heart, to be rolled away (John 11:41-44), everyone witnessed the glory of God (John 11:45). The payoff was spectacular and worth it. Lazarus, as we all know, came back to life. But what happened after the miraculous event? We can only imagine that Lazarus would not have had an easy life, but we don’t really know. He became an instant celebrity, but that seems to kind of work against him, at least based on John 12:10-11. He became an instant assassination target by association to Jesus and what was witnessed by many. Because he came back to life, people were being won over to Jesus, and this angered the chief priests to the point of making plans to kill Lazarus too…death again. Imagine dying twice.

So the message of Easter, as mentioned, is in John 11:25-26, but let’s take a look at The Message. “You don’t have to wait for the End. I am, right now, Resurrection and Life. The one who believes in me, even though he or she dies, will live. And everyone who lives believing in me does not ultimately die at all. Do you believe this?” Just think…what can you do to threaten a man who can’t die? Do you truly believe that? That He is Resurrection and Life? One day, Jesus’ voice will shout once more, “Get up!” Those who have died in Christ will rise up (1 Thess. 4:16). And finally, in the end, there will be no more sickness, tears, and death. So roll away the stone in your life today.

(Scripture: John 11:38-46; 1 Thessalonians 4:16)