Even weeks after, I’m still trying to digest everything that happened and everything that was shared and exchanged over the two days of the worship conference. It was such an amazing experience to be a part of.
Christy Nockels began her keynote session Friday night by sharing that the older she gets, the more she notices God giving her new affections, as if God was dropping more and more of His heart into hers. Fresh from an emotional worship time, my tiredness from the vexing workday and journey from the weeks past seemed to have been washed away with the tears that came unexpectedly. These were tears of guilt for the times I didn’t treat God as the priority; tears from being overwhelmed at the realization of His grace and how He can love someone like me; tears of surrender. So much has changed, and it was finally time for my heart to catch up to where my head was at. I was sitting by myself in pews full of people with their worship teams, but my previous sadness at being on my own was replaced with God’s peace, purpose, and a fresh look at the situation. That, and relief that no one I knew saw me bawling. Lol. I understood what she meant.
I understood what she meant because the older I got, the more I understood life and people and found vision in ministries and passions. What was inconsequential and boring before, holds so much meaning now. The obvious example would be that when I was younger, what mattered most to me was worshipping God, being able to sing to Him. What “mattered” quickly became using MY gift for God, service in the ministry. As years passed, the focus became a desire to assist in leading people into a place of worship and honing my craft. Then, it was getting people to use their gifts as well. From the role of being led to leading, it became apparent even more that it was and is important to foster my relationship with God and getting to know Him more and what He wants, rather than my own aspirations for people. I’ve learned to have more faith in God working, than my own perception of control. I plan, but it’s okay if it’s not followed to the T. Now, I’m motivated to ensure others grow, and hopefully as a result, they’d also get from the being led stage to the leading stage. I did not feel so deeply about this before, but God seems to be, as she said, planting new affections.
Getting older is awesome. You notice things or are able to have a more holistic view of things, and you’re able to respond in a way you wouldn’t have before, because your hang-ups then are no longer an issue now. She had one such epiphany, sitting at her farm table one day. She had just given up touring because she was just tired all the time and the tour bus is no place to raise children. Add to that the fact that one night, she found peace in cleaning the toilet after her toddler decided to aim poorly. Her children were starting to grow up and God had been repeatedly telling her to go home. So there she was, at her farm table, asking God if this was crazy. What He showed her was that there is a promise and a purpose and a way, and it’s not necessarily how we envision or expect things to play out. All she desired was for the Kingdom to come to earth through her life. Colossians 3:12 came to her…
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
There is a created order. Facts or reasons are established first, then the command. Our gospel identity is that we are God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved through our adoption by faith. In knowing our identity, then, we clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, etc. These traits are what people-we-encounter-everyday will see. People who don’t have an idea of who God is will see a glimpse of Him, His Kingdom, through us, if we are grounded in Him, in truth. In knowing our identity, we know the Kingdom is our inheritance. The Kingdom is a renewing of all things, and we all anticipate that day. But for now, we are works in progress; broken, broken people. God refines us at every moment, in our imperfections.
Through the years, the image of concentric circles kept popping up: the vision of a target/bull’s-eye. God was constantly reassuring her to focus on the center. “Just hit the bull’s-eye, and I’ll take care of the outer circles. It is not for you to promote yourself and to keep yourself on the map…but it’s for My glory.” And so she opened her Bible to the middle, one of her favorite verses – Psalm 37:5-6.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.
Just the bull’s-eye in the middle. That’s all you need to take care of. You have one job. Lol. What does she mean? There are three things to consider. Think of each point as a ring that makes up the bull’s-eye, starting from the center.
One: Who you are. You are beloved. BEloved. He is “The Great I Am”. He Who Is, Who Be’s. We are “The Great I Am”-loved. We are God-loved. This should permeate how we come to Him every day, through remembrance of Who He is and what He’s done. Admittedly, there are days when I’m just drained. You know those days when Murphy’s Law explodes in your face or you just had a horrible bout of insomnia the previous night or you’re deathly ill or someone somewhere “needs” you. After chronic sub-optimal days like these, it’s hard to feel loved and to be grateful for that love, when all you want to do is cry, complain, eat, sleep, or even just sit in silence doing absolutely nothing. But days like these change. For every 100 horrible days, there’s bound to be 1 day that’s so-so at the very least. Our ever-changing circumstances don’t change the constant truth of our identity and that we are God-loved. When we get laid-off, we are beloved. When we get paid for a passion project, we are still beloved.
I’m thankful that Christy pointed out that His love and His covenant is not equal, but greater than our commitment to Him. We fail. We are imperfect. We sometimes ride the waves that toss us about. We doubt. We waver. Our efforts at “commitment” don’t really measure up to much. But His love and His covenant…can we grasp the concept of never EVER failing? Perfect. Sure. Steadfast. That is the God who loves us. He is our rest and our place to hide. I draw comfort from the fact that even in my failings, I can confide in that God; that I see I’m not going to get there (the goal/the ideal) today, but He has already gotten there for me. “Lord, I aim to be as humble as You today, but I realize I’m still hanging on to a bit of pride. Thank You for doing the ultimate humbling act on the cross, which gives me hope that I can let go of my pride and do better tomorrow.”
Two: The how. When you know who you are and Who loves you/Who you can count on, obedience becomes a response of being beloved rather than a means of approval. I don’t stay up ’til 2am waiting for someone to come home because I need them to like me. I’d rather sleep (and be a professional burrito haha). However, I do stay up because they’re family. I love them and they love me. It’s as simple as that. No strings attached. We don’t obey and follow God’s laws and do all these random acts of kindness because we need God to love us. We are already loved…and so we do this because we know He is pleased to see this and we genuinely just want to bring Him more joy.
As we obey and we grow, our refinement becomes our language of discipleship. Our experiences become the tools by which we pour into people, with the help of the Holy Spirit. Oh…take Philippians 2 for example. We know this, but it’s just such a struggle sometimes to be humble. Verses 3 to 5 get me every time as I examine myself and find that I’ve failed in that aspect so many times, but can now see progress as I veer away from pride. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus…”
As mentioned in the previous post, there’s been a burden in my heart this past year or so, and was amplified on a trip to Portland, to help develop the next generation and raise Timothys. It brought me so much joy to just sit back one weeknight during worship practice and observe the younger folks leading worship. This was something new since, as mentioned, I used to be so enthusiastic about being able to lead worship. It was about me using my gifts. Now, with God’s constant pruning, I realize the importance of humility and remember the focus of worship is God. Seeing these kids…so much potential, so much we can do! It was an aha moment of mind-blowing proportions seeing where God is leading, realizing that I’m doing this with God as a teammate, and the comfort in knowing that I’m in good hands. There’s a peace to knowing you’re fulfilling His will, your purpose. As Christy said, “He raised you up to raise others up.” And so I continue to pour myself into other people because, well, I surprisingly (or not surprisingly) find joy in God’s joy.
Three: The what. Our response ability changes as we grow and mature in Christ. You’ll see it. You won’t be able to help it. You’ll feel the NEED to take others with you in responding to God. “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Eph. 2:10)” There’s plenty of work to be done. Along the way, there will be plenty of people that we’ll meet. If we’re coming from a secure place, knowing who we are with God at the center, it will pour out into how we live our lives and relate to others, and it will further spill over into what we actually do as a manifestation of everything God is. When you’re running around on outer rings, it just leaves you exhausted, tired. When you’re stuck on the outer rings, it just leaves you frustrated. Believe me, I know. I was caught up in the outer rings for the longest time. When you’re too focused on the how, or even the what, you miss the point. God is at the center of it all and really, you only have to focus on the center. The rest is God’s. He’ll take care of the details.
Christy’s work with the women of her home church produced valuable relationships and spiritual support that have already spanned decades. Her work with her producer husband on the rug of their humble home contributed to the Passion band and the Passion conferences that have made an impact on so many generations of youth through the years. She got to meet and work with musicians with a similar call and vision such as Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, and Kristian Stanfill. They’ve created a community of encouragement and purpose, so much so, that years after Christy decided to stop touring and focus on her family, that bond had never changed. The Dove Awards is a sort of platform of recognition created by the Gospel Music Association. There was a spot during the awards that showcased a song that made a huge impact that year. Chris Tomlin was there. Michael W. Smith was there. The heavyweights of Christian music. While droves of talent managers were vying for a place for their talent to be involved in that number, the producers called Christy up. They remember her work. Christy, who has been out of the spotlight for years, happily content in being a good wife and mom, suddenly asked to participate in such a huge platform. She got to be amongst friends doing what she loved, without unnecessarily exhausting herself. She doesn’t have to bother with the outer rings, and neither should we. God takes care of the details.
The Necessary Additives 