26

And here I am. The dreaded day had arrived. Saturday marked the culmination of a year’s worth of days spent aging. I shouldn’t have felt particularly sad about Saturday, because we all age every day, every second. So what makes pie day any different? It started last year. When my 25th hit, it hit me hard. Call it a quarter life crisis. I started to question everything – the choices I’ve made in life, the opportunities I let slip, the mistakes that have turned into regrets, the things I valued above others, the happy times that were all too fleeting. What have I done with my life and where am I going? I know I shouldn’t compare, but some people seem so self-assured and I was just…stuck. I’m happy, genuinely happy for them, but it didn’t bring me any closer to answers. Who were the people I lost along the way? Which bridges did I burn, willingly or unconsciously? Can I do anything about it? Do I want to do anything about it? Should I even? Who are the people in my life right now? Are they worth keeping? The funny thing is, as you age, you realize that there’s no lightbulb moment. You don’t suddenly wake up one day with everything figured out. You work on discovering it and actualizing it. You also basically feel the same. You feel like you’re still you, even when you’re really not. I still feel the same as I was six years ago, but I know I’d kick 20-year-old me in the butt with the way I thought about things. So in an attempt to be less stuck, I started to do things differently. Let some things go, try new things, explore, push, and re-establish boundaries, step out of my comfort zones once in a while. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to refer to Elsa in my head. Let it go…let go, let God.

Friday night, on the eve of my 26th, as two candles were lit, I thought about what I’d wish for. It quickly turned into a short prayer I shot up to my Father. I thanked Him, that despite having a mini meltdown last week about turning another year older, He’s repeatedly been gracious in showing me that though there are bad days, it’s not a bad life. It’s a good one even. I choose to see His faithfulness and goodness and love, among the chaos of this world, among the changing times, and remind myself that He has a purpose for me. I am reminded of how epic life can be in obedience to Him and that it really makes a whole world of a difference to have my hope in Him. This past year, as I learned more about Him and really strove to kill my old self and just followed as much as I could, I felt like such a child, learning the ropes again.

Humbly, I’d also hoped He’d give in to my requests, but fully recognizing that I have no hand in His final decision. My first request was that I’d never lose my band of brothers and sisters in Christ. These people have been my second family and they’ve taught me so much by their actions, words, and even just their presence. I’m thankful for each of you…

The brother who may be naive, but reminded me that maybe dreams and aspirations need to be acted upon and not just shelved away just because it didn’t seem practical at the time. If God is leading you, why not?

The sister who has always been the sensible one, who I know I can be vulnerable with, ugly cry face and all, who then gives gentle reminders of God’s wisdom above our situations.

The lady who exudes joy, overflowing love, and proper stewardship, who has wisdom beyond her years. I should learn a thing or two from you!

The man who challenges me to constant obedience and a love that knows no bounds in a world I’m growing desensitized to. You make me see the world differently, step out of my shell, and step into who I am in Christ.

The woman who has been such a great example of what a Godly woman looks like. I have a prayer buddy in you, always grounded in God’s word. Also, coffee buddy. And food buddy.

There are countless others and if I mention you all, I won’t ever be done with this post so just know, you’ve made an impact in my life. I’m far from perfect, and I know how dark I can get, but God continues to work in me and these friends have been extremely instrumental in helping me in my journey. Second request is close to the first – that He’d be with you to your last days.

So there’s my heart. Thank you for being in my life and making these years colorful. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for frustrating me. Thank you for the excess and the deprivation. Thank you for the laughs and the heartache. Thank you because in the ups and downs, we grow and we learn. Expecting more changes and adventures this year. Cheers!